WARMUP: show up, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re not stupid, that you’re going to make that ASS your b&$%#
THE THANG:

In the predawn gloom of a humid Sunday morning, at the ungodly hour of 5 AM, 26 brave souls gathered for what can only be described as the most absurd, yet epic, challenge in F3 history. The Waffle House parking lot became our battlefield, and three intrepid Waffle House warriors became our allies in this culinary-cardiovascular crusade.

The mission was simple yet ludicrous: devour an All-Star Breakfast—complete with eggs, bacon, waffles, and hashbrowns—then immediately launch into a 5K run or a 2-mile ruck. The participants, a motley crew of iron-willed HIMs, were ready to put their bodies to the ultimate test.

As the first rays of dawn barely kissed the horizon, the air thick with humidity and the scent of breakfast grease, the signal was given. Forks clattered, waffles disappeared, and coffee was downed with reckless abandon. In a mere matter of minutes, 26 warriors transitioned from ravenous diners to determined runners and ruckers, sprinting and trudging through the humid haze.

Only one man, Soy Bean, succumbed to the sheer insanity of the task, his stomach rebelling in a spectacular fashion. Yet, even this moment of gastrointestinal defeat could not dampen the spirit of the event. The sight of Soy Bean’s valiant struggle will be remembered in the annals of F3 lore.

With every step, the participants battled not only the road and their own limits but also the unyielding humidity. Sweat poured, lungs burned, and yet, every man pushed forward. The camaraderie was palpable, each participant driven by the collective resolve to complete this ludicrous feat.

In the end, all 26 participants emerged victorious, having conquered both the All-Star Breakfast and the grueling miles that followed. The three Waffle House workers, our unsung heroes, were left in awe of the sheer determination and insanity they had witnessed.

The Great Waffle House Stupid 5K Challenge will go down in F3 history as a testament to the absurd lengths we will go to forge bonds, test our limits, and embrace the ridiculous. Until the next crazy challenge, remember: it’s not about the miles or the meals, it’s about the men beside you. Aye!

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