Depressant vs accelerant, Tylenol PM vs Ritalin, Vodka vs Redbull, Predestination vs FreeWill, Bitcoin vs AFLAC, oil and water, Attention Deficit Disorder versus vs the Audiobook on 1/10th speed.
This is about as good of an analogy of the sh!tshow of May 12, 2021 at the Forge as I could ponder, led by Drumstick and hereby dictated by Saluki.
My name is Saluki and I’m going to tell you about our beatdown on this day. I will start off by saying drumstick rolled up with less than 10 seconds to spare, hops out of his truck and we start running. No good mornings, no good to see you, nothing… just a mosey. The first stupid words that cometh out of his mouth was an inquiry about who has invested in Bitcoin. And, in typical drumstick fashion, before anyone can provide even a glimpse of an answer, he wants to discuss who is going to Reformation that night, and even before that is answered, we are discussing dinosaurs, predestination and if Gentiles will be at the same level as God’s chosen people.
Side Straddle Hops “Roo ruu re…ONE, Roo ruu re….TWO……..TEN”
Windmills “Roo ruu re…ONE, Roo ruu re….TWO……..TEN”
Weed Pickers “Roo ruu re…ONE, Roo ruu re….TWO……..TEN”
Drumstick ends it with an explanation of the beat down. For one minute, we will do one exercise, then switch. He then realizes there will be no time to switch from one exercise to the next, so he changes it to 50 seconds, and then more calculations in his head, “or 45 seconds…who gives a rip….just do it!!!!!!” He brings music and a speaker, which he can’t get to work. Of course, he casts blame immediately on the site Q. Drummy’s phone. Drummy’s speaker. Nothing is charged. Nothing is connected. Nothing is paired. “Lizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!!!!! You idiot!!!!” Why is it always lizard’s fault? No matter the AO – it can be the chatterbox, or the Forge, but it’s always Lizard’s fault, according to Drummy, when things go awry.
Every 45 seconds, we hear this tinkerbell, chime sounding thing – fitting.
“Ok…..let’s do some thrusters….I mean, yall…..I hate thrusters….does anyone like them?” Of course , there is no time to answer this question. 1) because we are on to another drumstick question, and 2) that tinkerbell sound on his phone that nobody can hear except him.
“Ok….some dadgum kettlebell things where you just hold it up there….like for a second….maybe two….just hold it up there…who cares”
We do a bunch of stuff every 45 seconds and dare I say, at no time was the entire pax doing the same thing. In his mind, it was all coordinated perfectly. However, in execution, kindergarteners would have a better chance of walking in cadence on the first attempt than the pax had of getting the exercise right.
(OK, I’m tired of the damn spacebar)
Swings, chest presses, calf raises….yes, you read that correctly. Drummy did calf raises, three variations, mind you. Military presses, curls, tricep extensions. Of course, we repeated some exercises because you know he forgot what he had done previously. Do we really need to continue the exercises? Nobody has time for that.
The key takeaways:
- It was trailmix’s first time at the Forge. He ain’t coming back.
- It might be Cricket’s last time too.
- Thank God there was no FNG
- Trill got in his one beatdown of the week
- We can expect Grylls to bring back some glimpse of organized order on May 19. Please let it be so.
“Where can I find some bitcoin? And what in the Sam hell is dogecoin? I need it.”