Fart Sack Hall of Fame: Westside & The Chad (off at band camp perfecting their flute solos), Copper (allegedly selling ice cream to children at questionable hours)

Despite the soul-crushing effects of the time change, a few brave HIM fought off the allure of the fartsack and gathered in the gloom for an early morning ruck through the scenic torture chamber known as the GP Eastside Hills. With Oxbow at the helm, the PAX set off into the darkness, questioning their life choices but moving forward nonetheless.

The Thang:

As we trudged up and down the hills, Slumlord decided that merely rucking wasn’t impressive enough for the FNG, so he took off sprinting like he was being chased by the ghost of his old mortgage rates. The rest of us wisely ignored his antics and maintained a steady pace, letting gravity and common sense do their jobs.

Meanwhile, Hopper—took it upon himself to explain the F3 principles and the concentrica to the FNG. Whether this was an actual education or just a clever way to catch his breath remains unclear, but the FNG nodded along, so we’ll call it a win.

COT & Naming Ceremony:

After a solid ruck and some much-needed second-hand oxygen from Slumlord’s hill sprints, we circled up for Count-O-Rama, Name-O-Rama, and COT. The FNG, eager to share, revealed that he followed this girl (that he eventually married) to a high school French class—where he spent most of his time strategically positioning himself near her like a lovesick mime. With this self-incrimination complete, the PAX had no choice but to bestow upon him the legendary name “Pepe Le Pew.”

Moleskin:
• Westside & The Chad were greatly missed but will surely return from band camp with a newfound appreciation for smooth jazz and synchronized oboe solos.
• Copper’s moonlighting as a midnight ice cream salesman raises many questions, none of which we want answered.
• Slumlord’s hill-running display likely left the FNG questioning whether he joined a rucking group or a cult.
• Pepe Le Pew has fully embraced his new identity and, hopefully, his wife has a good sense of humor.

Final Thoughts:

Another great morning in The Preserve, proving once again that F3 is about fitness, fellowship, and occasionally naming grown men after cartoon skunks.

Next week is the last week for Sunday AM GP rucking for a bit and a special treat is planned. Details to come.

SYITG,
Oxbow