AO: WarTowne

When: 02/08/2022


Number of Pax: 3

Pax Names: Black Swan, Brad Pitt, Green Mile,

Number of FNGS: 0

FNG Names:

QIC: Green Mile

Three brave souls ventured to Hobgood Park and found themselves at the mercy of what’s known as the War Towne Decathlon. Up to now, no PAX had been able to tame the ferocious workout regimen. Until now.

Three men enter. One man leave.

After a brief mosey and a collecting of coupons, the trio made their way to the multipurpose field.


SSH x 20
Imperial Walker x 10
Weed Picker x 5


Let’s reset. The brainchild of Farm County, YHC, and a nudge from Mall Cop, the War Towne Decathlon isn’t the standard, everyday, run-of-the-mill brainchild. Nope. No, sir. It’s more like the kind of brainchild who tortures GI Joe’s with a magnifying glass.  In true F3 fashion, some PAX found an awful pre-existing workout and asked the eternal question: “How can we make this worse?”  Here it is:

–Start at multipurpose field–
1. 100 Merkins (single count) (sprint length of field, bernie sanders back)
2. Murder Picana (10yd rifle carry, 20yd murder bunny) length of field and back
3. 100 LBCs (single count) (sprint length of field, bernie sanders back)
4. Broad jump length of field and back
5. 100 Kettlebell Swings (sprint length of field, bernie sanders back)
–Rifle carry to base of amphitheater–
6. Increasing coupon curls (sprint to top of hill)
7. Half-mile run (one lap around softball fields)
8. Increasing goblet squats (sprint to top of hill)
9. Mile run (two laps around softball fields)
10. 50 burpees

Many have tried, and some have come close. Tin Foil, Sooorie, and Brad Pitt come to mind. The rest, YHC especially, are left to marvel in the ugliness as time expires.

Today, Brad Pitt became the first to beat back the monster. Black Swan could have made it further if he hadn’t been such true HIM and help YHC get the whiteboard to the amphitheater.

Who will be the next to tame the Decathlon?


Converged with Woodshed for U-Turn’s VQ. Well done, sir.

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