A beatdown will commence at 0530. Instructions to follow upon arrival. I will have a speaker and gloves. You should bring one of those.


If two is one and one is none, then Westside took me seriously.


At least he brought the spice.




Dates: 2019-03-28

Where: vineyard

QIC: Gut Check

Number of Pax: 12

Pax Names: Jack Bauer, Trill, Spock, Westside, Doddy, Tiny Tat, Silverado, Beater, Mouth-to-Mouth, Wrangler, Lexi, Gut Check

Warm-O-Rama: Mosey to YHCs favorite little spot in front of the school.

On the way, Trill asks if we’re training for the Monthly 5k. The hate begins! YHC mumbled his smart *** response about beating him...

“Baba O’Riley” The Who. 50 SSH. 40 Imperial Walkers. 29 Hillbillies (Hillbillies can’t count), 20 Wind... never mind song over let’s mosey!

The Thang: “Monster” Skillet. Run around the parking lot. When you hear “monster” leap like a monster pouncing on his prey. (Beater quotable: “No one is making monster sounds!” “Whoa, that sounded like Satan!”) Credit to Sgt. Slaughter for this brilliant idea!

“The Monster (ft. Rihanna)” Eminem. We found our monster, the hill. The grapes of wrath hill. Run up and down the hill. When you hear “monster” do the bottom half of a burpees but thrust back into a run instead of jump... we already did the jumps. Modified when Lexi slid gloriously down hill. Audible to circle burp at the bottom of the hill. Lexi keeps hearing the monsters in his head (or just wants to hijack my Q), so many more burpees were done than necessary.

“Stairway to Heaven” Led Zeppelin. No introduction necessary! The groans where audible at “stairway.” They knew what was coming. Modified the bearway to Heaven. Increasing squats at each turn. 1 bus lane. 1 squat, etc. without his gloves Westside went to the sidewalk and spent half the song matching to the bus lanes. Ever the smart ***, Lexi comments how the squats make this easier than burpees!!! (Don’t poke the Gut Check). Just before the infamous guitar solo, YHC brought attention to the Monsters in Jimmy Page’s guitar—Burpees thru the solo. (There it is: “I hate you!”)

“Up Down (ft. Florida Georgia Line)” Hold air chair till the “up down up down up down.” “We’re just holdin’ it down here in BFE.” Burpees on the BFE.

“Mary” Zac Brown Band. Great song for a long mosey to the wall by the band/drama side of the building. Gave us time to get ready to hit the floor.

“Bodies” Drowning Pool. Plank thru the song. Donkey kicks every “Let the bodies hit the floor.” Merkins every time he counts. This is a Trill favorite because he loves pain. I was a virgin on this one and it WRECKED me! New favorite! (How does Tiny Tat hold perfect plank?)

“Flower” Moby. Yep. Here it comes. Tears drop from Westside’s tired eyes! Wait, wait, friend. Hold arms straight out. Overheard claps to “bring Sally up.” “Bring Sally (slowly) down” to resume crucifix pose. Air chair with arms out when “old miss Lucy’s dead and gone.” Here it comes, wait for it: “I hate you so hard right now Gut Check!” And again! Lexi with the twofer!

“Mary Jane’s Last Dance” Tom petty and the Heartbreakers. Mosey back to the flag for one last dance. Passed it around:
- Trill: LBFCs
- Beater: Makhtar N’Diayes
- Lexi: JLo’s
- Doddy: Air Speed Bag

“Mary, Mary” Run-DMC. As we air punched, we released all the hate for YHC.

COT: 6th man: Jack Bauer. He is a spy. Convinced the Lion’s Den/War Towne PAX planted him to see how it’s done!

Prayers for:
Silverado’s wife. God please heal her!
Jack Bauer and all who are traveling next week.
Trill closes on his new house today! Moving 4/6. Pizza and beer was promised the HIMs that help!

Naked Man Moleskin: So ended a quarter at the Vineyard. More exciting changes coming there.

This truly is one of the coolest AOs, and the Vineyard is a special kind of beatdown. It’s always painful and on the cusp of Merlot! But these men are so strong, and push past it every time.

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