Number of Pax: 7
Pax Names: Odd Job, Hombre, The Mole, Manning, Kiffin, Spaceballs, Garfield
The Thang: NA
Naked Man Moleskin: Ma Bell with the maybe I’ll show up tease. He didn’t show up. Nobody noticed
Garf with the psychosomatic non stop throat clearing triggered by the stress of that treacherous journey into the mountains
Hombre to the rescue with that 2 year old partially enjoyed Halls
Leaves that only fall on one side of the road. What in the world??? And then Hombre makes up the tallest of all tales that there’s some bro who clears the leaves weekly from the Boling park trails. Uh huh...
Garffy clears his throat and says: that’s a lot of trails to clean. Kiffin just stares blankly at him in disgust
Odd Job with a brand new pair of dishwater grey tube socks. He’s locked and loaded.
The Mole is acting weird. Like weirder than normal weird. He seems VERY excited for this morning. Cue the HS cross country stories!
He also shared a story of one of his HS boys who shot a deer on campus, Columbine, and home cookin cops. Whoa. How much coffee have you had? Where the 🤬 is Ma Bell.
Hombre says that Homeboy might meet us up at the trails. Everyone erupts in laughter!!! Gonna be a long day for HB 🤣
Ok we’re almost here?? That sign entering Ellijay is special. If only I had 45 minutes to search through the 400 ads for that bush lawyer.
Riveting buzz word discussion set off by Kiffy boy asking a serious question about Garffy’s business model. Let’s boil this ocean and make sure that never happens again!
Ma Bell stays at home and gets eaten by a German Shepard. Homeboy stays home and gets eaten by jealousy.
Oh there’s a giant redwood down across the road. No problem.
Oh the haunted guard shack is closed. No problem.
Oh a tornado appears to be headed in our direction?? No problem.
We’re there. Garffy explains that he’s a bonafide expert in saddles and trail navigation. Then he poops in the woods
Quick photo opp and calls to say goodbye to our loved ones and then we’re off
Orenthal James is in front of me carrying a pink lemonade and a cinch sack slung over his shoulder. Kiffin chimes in and is taking bets on what mile it will be before the drawstring causes him to bleed out.
Panthers are known to run hidden alongside their prey stalking them. And then pouncing. I think I heard that too. 😳
Spaceballs is calling everyone Amigo. He’s going in the way back glory days machine with Hombre during miles 2-3. These guys seem to know each other.
Run, Hike, Run, Hike, Run, Hike, Run, Hike
I think the last thing to travel on theses ✌🏼trails✌🏼was a glacier during the last ice age. Thank you. I’ll be here all night!
The Mole is about 6,000 feet ahead of everyone else. I thought we all agreed to stay together. Nobody seems too concerned if we lose him to nature. The Gahuti giveth and the Gahuti taketh.
Finally get into a section where we can actually run and don’t have to use our belays and crampons. Then Garfield decides to turn his ankle parallel to the ground. Welp, nice knowing ya bro.
Make it to the end and enjoy the scenic overlook. Looks amazing. Is this what it feels like to live in a cloud??? 🤦🏻♂️
We’re done. The Mole wants to run 45 more miles. We all take off our underpants to officially signal we’re done. Hombre puts his Encino East LA Skater garb back on. He’s 51.
Back in the Gerdes mobile and zippety zap, we’re in downtown Ellijay. Do these people eat breakfast around here? What is this place anyway?? A grocery store? A NY Deli? An apple orchard general store? A beatnik cafe in Seattle??? And who’s the rando Cuban mafia drug dealer teenager in the black trench coat???
Garffy tells everyone that sometimes drug dealers dress just like...drug dealers. Uhhh...
They have 5 or 6 bagels, some cold frittata, and enough lox for 1/2 of one bagel. At least the coffee is good. Kiffy carb loading with the double bagel order. Good eats!!
The workers are all scurrying around like lunatics. We’re only 7 people!!! I think they’re out back fishing for mor lox!!
I feel like we’re in the Truman Show. Dude out front with the fake dog is wearing an earpiece. And Odd Job is coloring with chalk. What do we really know about this Rich George bro anyway. No way that’s his real name either.
I’m staring at that balloon mural. Kiffin notices. A plan is hatched. I get propositioned by the trench coat. Invited to his ✌🏼restaurant✌🏼around the corner. It opens at 11:00am. I want to go home.
The ride home can be best described as Operation: destroy HB’s will to live. He’s getting mauled in a group text. Somewhere, Floppy is rubbing his feet...sobbing.
Did I mention that Haggis texted me last night??
All eyes closed and no one looking around.
Priests and their Vietnamese man servants playing tennis together
Garffy and his boyfriend HB unlock their shields. Commence mutually ensured destruction!
So much more...let’s do this again soon!!